Everyone calls me a Cynical Romantic, as though I want to believe that love exists, I’m too much of a realist to accept it. However one thing I have realised in life is that though we don’t know what Purple Rain is, or what Sam Cooke meant in Wonderful world, or Ne-Yo in Jealous or Miguel in Adorn, once we hear these songs we all have this unexplainable feeling, this immense sensation that just burns through our hearts till it brings a smile upon our lips. Is it the lyrics that get us smiling and dreaming? Or is it the use of the musical instruments that taps into our subconscious making us feel the way we feel. Regardless of all these unexplainable questions I’ve always being fascinated by the term that is ‘love’.
Here is my take on it; the term love is a human fantasy that we all just want to believe in. why we all share this collective fantasy is still an unsolved puzzle in my mind. When one speaks of love, my understanding of it is a land where unicorns exists, where we all ride them over the rainbow and build sandcastles in the sky, a land where nothing goes wrong.
I refuse to follow this train of thought. We all know that life is not a fairy tale and I’d like to think the same about love. But even when I try to rationalise love I am confounded by a host of different questions; is love something that must be reciprocal? Is it a fallacy? Is there a time line? Is it merely an infatuation with the opposite sex? Do we have more than one love? Or do we believe in love because we humans crave a certain type of attention, which the notion of love permits for us to have.
There are a few things I would like to draw your attention to on this notion of love. Firstly, I believe that the term love is used too loosely, as what we know about love is what we have been sold to by poets, books, card companies and movies which has allowed for relationships to become as systematic as; I see you, I like you and thus I automatically love you regardless of whether I feel something different for you than I did the last person I was with. Which then allows for the term love to lose its flame and begin to fade into a fickle mistress of what the term love ought to be. Secondly, there are different types of love, such as the one you have for family which sometimes we mistake as more than just what it is and destroys a good friendship. Thirdly, does destiny and fate come into play? Are we all destined to fall in love? Do we all share the same fate when it comes to love? Is that why we all have this collective fantasy?
Recently I have come to the realisation that maybe my approach on understanding love is in fact different and potentially wrong. Maybe sandcastles in the skies do in fact exists but not in the way I believe them to. There is a saying in sociology that states ‘something is real if it is real in its consequences’; and we all know that the consequences of love are happiness, hurt and pain. Therefore following that theory, it is real. It may not be real to the objective mind but it is very much alive subjectively.
According to Shakespeare ‘journey’s ends in lovers meeting every wise man’s son doth know’. Which I interpret as, until we meet our true love everything we go through are just steps in getting us there, which then marks a new beginning, a new journey in life. We all go through relationships and we all have feelings some more than others regardless, those feelings are very much present. So maybe all the frustrations and emotional distress that we go through are all a sign that someone better will come our way as what you thought was the best thing for you truly isn’t. This does not mean you didn’t love the person maybe you had love for them but it was simply platonic a general love you have for a fellow human, but you weren’t ‘in love’ with them, understand the difference.
One fact of life is that, though it is true we don’t know what we have until we lose it, it is also true that we don’t know what we are looking for until it arrives. Thus, love is merely a journey. A beautiful journey that begins with friendship a good basis of understanding and caring almost like family but with a twist as there is an immense unexplainable emotional connection that we will have with a particular individual no matter how little the time you spend together maybe. I believe that could be love, even though the cynical side of me says it is merely infatuation. But is it infatuation if whenever you think of the person you do nothing but smile, you have the ability to let go just to make them happy? You think more about them than you do yourself? I think not. It is at this point in our journey that we begin to build sandcastles in the sky and ride unicorns with smiles in our hearts through the rainbow of their memory.
I maybe a cynical romantic but I’m a realist and I believe that “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”. So I hope we all find the one we are looking for and even if we do not end up with the one we would like, just be content that you once felt what you felt with someone because no one said love was eternal.
Enjoy your journey…